


Hotseat with The Phantom Thieves, by Ohya Ichiko

by orphan_account



Series: persona 5 punk band au [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Punk Band, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Ann just wants to have a fun time, Article style writing, F/F, Gen, Ichiko Ohya POV, Interviews, M/M, Makoto being professional (tm), Tabloid Articles, implied akechi goro/ kurusu akira, reporter extraordinaire ichiko ohya on the scene to give you the best news baby!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24125137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What a wonderful day to be a lucky reader of my tabloid, huh?Today I, Ohya Ichiko, have the slippery Thieves of Hearts at my table and they're all in the hotseat! The burning questions we've all been dying to know will be answered... or will they?!-An (experimental) interview with The Phantom Thieves.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Kitagawa Yusuke & Sakura Futaba, Kurusu Akira & Ohya Ichiko, Kurusu Akira & Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Kurusu Akira & Sakamoto Ryuji, Niijima Makoto/Takao Eiko, Sakamoto Ryuji & Takamaki Ann
Series: persona 5 punk band au [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697143
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Hotseat with The Phantom Thieves, by Ohya Ichiko

Way back when, there was this little hole in the wall called Crossroads. They had some pretty great gigs, lots of little bands would play there, and then the occasional secret show was held there, usually for the local media darling Akechi Goro. But I'm not here to talk about him, _oh no._ I'm here to talk about the band currently taking the city by storm: The Phantom Thieves. 

Believe it or not, they all started out as a band playing in the back of the lead guitarist Takamaki Ann's garage. According to the frontman Kurusu Akira, they never expected to get this far. They are quite the bunch, all gathered around the small diner table. Akira himself sits across from me, fiddling with a few rings on his fingers. His nails are painted black and his hair is messy, while next to him, Ann is twirling her hair around her finger idly, a few bandaids on her fingers. 

"I play aggressively," She says after I ask her about them, "A few of my fingertips are actually split."

Sakamoto Ryuji, drummer, and co-founder of the band, is picking at a few french fries and leaning on the back of the chair. Across from him, pianist Kitagawa Yusuke is tapping his ink-stained fingers on the table. I ask him about the designs he drew for the albums. 

"I did not draw the first EP cover. That was Ryuji's work. But my inspiration has always been the color the music makes. _Azazel_ was violet, _Mammon_ was saffron, _Fall From Grace_ was red, and the new single coming out in a few months will be black." He smiles, and the secondary guitarist and bassist Niijima Makoto nods. 

"We can't reveal too much about the new single, but we promise that more is coming soon. Our next album will be under a new label temporarily, as Sakura Sojiro will be on a sabbatical." She explains, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Makoto's sister is the infamously picky music critic, Niijima Sae. When asked about it, the bassist beams proudly and says "That's my sis, alright."

Their manager and lighting technician, Sakura Futaba, is sitting in the booth with her knees under her chin. The seventeen-year-old prodigy had been accepted into Yale at age 15, but declined and dropped out of school to join her father's business. The Phantom Thieves explain how they had first met her.

Akira starts: "We had just started writing for _Fall From Grace_ and we were recording the first song on there, _Scorpion_ , when Ann's equipment starts bugging. So we're all, like, 'What the fuck' and then this 4"11 girl in these huge boots comes in."

Ann continues: "And she gets down on her knees and starts fiddling with my amp. At first, I was really confused. But then, she gives me a thumbs up. So I play a quick riff and my amp is working perfectly. We're all like 'Woah, that's incredible' and then it gets better."

Ryuji laughs and resumes: "The kid adds an effect to the amp by, like, hotwiring it. Like a car! Ann's guitar comes out with some pretty fancy reverb and delays. Then the kid stands up, gives us a quick look, and then asks to be our techie!" 

The ginger girl nods then pushes her glasses up her nose, "And they refused, at first. Said I was too young to be their techie, and that their songs were pretty hardcore. Of course, they agreed once I fixed up their song."

She giggles like a little mad genius. Akira nods his head then looks to me again. 

"She literally saved our album. The dance tracks on there aren't usually what we do, but they're damn good."

He smiles, and Futaba slaps his arm gently. "Oh, stop it you," She grins, "... Carry on." 

We all laugh and Ann recommends the strawberry milkshake with a splash of malt. 

The band formed when Akira, Ryuji, and Ann were in high school, then they got serious when they hit college. They met Yusuke when they were preparing their first album. They had played at Crossroads a few times and were good friends with the owner, Lala Escargot, but they met the artist after the show had ended. Jokingly, Ryuji had asked how the show was. Yusuke took a sip of his water and told them they lacked refinement. He was a piano player studying under Madarame Ichiryusai at the time but left after the scandal exposed him as a plagiarist. Akira asked Yusuke to sit in on a few rehearsals and he did. But they didn't expect him to join the band and help them write three new songs. _Azazel_ was the pinnacle of beautiful-sounding punk music. The melodic phrases are perfectly crafted to make your heart hurt and your fists clench. It's the perfect mix of tragic, angry, gorgeous, and dirty. 

After _Azazel_ came out, word of mouth got around the local Battle of the Bands that they were joining in. Council of Three was the previously undefeated band that mysteriously shot competition out of the water, frontwoman Eiko, drummer Akane, and Makoto on the guitar and bass. I ask Makoto about her alleged relationship with the notorious Eiko.

The bassist gives me a wry smile and says "My relationship with Eiko was toxic, to say the least. Council of Three was _not_ a well-working band. It's thanks to these guys that I'm out of that mess! No offense, though."

She laughs, and I don't press her any further. Council of Three disbanded after their loss at the Battle of the Bands, their mantle being passed on to the reigning champions, The Phantom Thieves. _Mammon_ was their hardcore punk album, with heavy grunge themes from the hardcore frets of Makoto's instruments. Their sound is crunchy and fresh.

"Like a punch to the face!" Ryuji chimes in, fist-pumping the air. 

However, the band has a confession to make:

"Our basslines are... not the best. Makoto is doing the best she can, but it's hard to play bass when you're trained in guitar." Akira sighs, patting Makoto's shoulder in sympathy. Makoto nods, flexing her fingers.

"It's pretty tough. I have very minimal skills in bass guitar, so we're actually looking to recruit!" 

You hear that, avid fans? If you think you've got the skills, you better start practicing. You might get a calling card from The Phantom Thieves! 

Akira suddenly gets a text from his phone. He apologizes, but turns out the wheel of fortune favors your favorite journalist! The text is from our local Prince Charming of the new age pop-punk, Akechi Goro. I ask what Akira's relationship is like with their so-called "rival". The mysterious jack-of-all-trades simply gives me a knowing smile and taps a finger to his lips. 

Ryuji promptly moves on. "We have a few ideas for the upcoming album that we can share with you today." Ann nods vigorously, her hair bouncing up and down. "Yeah! In fact, keep an eye out for some soon to be released singles. The main theme of our new album is, drum roll please..."

Futaba pats on the table at an insane speed. Ann gives a quick cheer. " _Space_!" Futaba pulls out a heavily stickered laptop and flips the screen around to show a mood board.

"We were thinking about doing some funky keyboard stuff in there to give Inari some time in the spotlight. He's been working so hard on the design that we had to give him _something._ " 

But, sadly, the band checks Makoto's watch and realize we've been talking way over our boundary time. Akira gives a short apology and they all roll out, Akira giving me a quick side hug, Ann pecking each of my cheeks in turn, Ryuji providing a quick fist-bump, Yusuke giving a firm handshake, Makoto a friendly clap to the shoulder, and an elaborate, improvised series of hand movements from Futaba. Oh, parting is such sweet sorrow!

Tune in for more updates on our favorite punk icons, The Phantom Thieves on our podcast! This is reporter extraordinaire, scoop-hunter maestro, Ohya Ichiko signing off with a bang bang kiss kiss!

P.S. Expect music by the end of summer break!

**Author's Note:**

> everyone needs some lesbian vodka aunt to give us a good ol' phantom thief scoop
> 
> this was purely experimental and totally worth it  
> just wanted to give some context in a funky way!!
> 
> and what was goro's text about, hm????????


End file.
